Oh My Tallests!
by Alias Black
Summary: Dib meets the Almighty Tallests! But it's not what you'd expect... R&R please! ^_^
1. Dib In Space

Authors Note: Um…R&R? ^_^ And this will probably be a couple if not three chapters long…  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own IZ and stuff…Jhonen Vasquez does.  
  
__________  
  
Oh My Tallests  
  
Chapter One: Dib in Space  
  
  
  
Dib walked through Zim's base cautiously. He looked around for any sign of security, and then ran down a pathway until a voice stopped him.  
  
"Computer!" Zim said.  
  
Dib jumped behind some tubing on the walls as Zim walked by.  
  
"What do you want?" The computer whined.  
  
Zim raised a brow.  
  
"Whoever decided to give computers attitudes needs to dumped in a vat of boiling bacon grease!" Zim commented.  
  
Dib looked out from behind the wiring as Zim walked up to the large monitor in his base.  
  
"How..." Zim started.  
  
"I WANT BACON GREASE!" GIR screamed running in behind Zim.  
  
"GIR what did I tell you about interrupting me?" Zim hissed.  
  
"Ummmm..." GIR shrugged.  
  
"Alert!" The computer sounded.  
  
"What?" Zim asked it.  
  
"I SAID alert are you deaf?" The computer said irritantly.  
  
"Don't talk back to me you...computer thing!" Zim growled, "when I said 'what' it meant what do you mean not what did you say!" Zim told it.  
  
"Hm... Mandy!" GIR said.  
  
"Mandy?" Zim repeated, looking at GIR.  
  
"Computer is such a boring name...how 'bout we call him Mandy!" GIR suggested.  
  
"No, it's COMPUTER!!" Zim said.  
  
"Why? I like Mandy..." The computer said thoughtfully.  
  
"No, Mr. Scolex!" GIR changed his mind.  
  
"Mr. Scolex? Where did you get that?" Zim asked.  
  
GIR thought a moment  
  
"I don't know..." he said.  
  
Dib watched, thinking how incredibly stupid this conversation was getting...  
  
"So, what was the alert for again?" Zim asked the computer...er...Mr. Scolex.  
  
"Huh? Oh yeah, the Irken Armada is passing rather close to this galaxy." The computer...augh, MR. SCOLEX...said.  
  
"What?" Zim said alarmed.  
  
"I SAID THE IRKEN ARMADA..." Mr. Scolex repeated.  
  
"I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!" Zim yelled angrily, "but why?"  
  
"Am I supposed to know everything? It's because I'm a computer huh?? JUST BECAUSE I'M A COMPUTER I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW EVERYTHING..." Mr. Scolex went off.  
  
"I WASN'T ASKING YOU!" Zim started getting very irritated at the sensitive computer.  
  
"Oh...well then..." Mr. Scolex quieted down.  
  
"Computer, put me through to the Almighty Tallests..." Zim said.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Computer..." Zim started to say again.  
  
"My name is Mr. Scolex!" The computer mused.  
  
Zim looked at the computer oddly.  
  
"Hi Mr. Scolex!" GIR waved.  
  
"Hello GIR." The computer said happily.  
  
Zim practically blew up.  
  
"MR. SCOLEX or whatever, put me through to the Almighty Tallests..."  
  
"Okie Dokie..." Mr. Scolex said, and the screen turned to the Tallests.  
  
"What do you want, ZIM?" Red said after a moment of ignoring the screen.  
  
"I notice that you're passing by this galaxy..." Zim said.  
  
"So?" Purple interrupted.  
  
The Tallests and Zim looked at each other in silence.  
  
"Okay well, bye then..." Zim said ending the transmission.  
  
"That was pointless..." Mr. Scolex told Zim.  
  
Zim looked annoyed.  
  
"Don't make me re-program you!" Zim said threateningly, and walked out, with GIR following close behind.  
  
Dib watching them leave. As soon as he was sure they were gone, he crept out of the tubing, except got tangled and fell on his face when he finally did get out.  
  
Dib walked calmly over to a door and pressed a button on the wall. The door opened and he walked inside.  
  
There was a big hole in the ceiling and a platform on the floor.  
  
"Oh what the heck..." Dib stepped on the platform and it went up through the hole. It stopped at the top, where what looked like an attic..a very strange and green attic...  
  
Dib looked over and saw Zim's voot-cruiser.  
  
"Oh yeah!" He ran over to it and ran his fingers down the dome, "hm..." he said thoughtfully, and got mischievous look on his face.  
  
His hand slid over a motion sensor and the dome opened up. Very inviting in Dib's eyes.  
  
He jumped in and looked at all the gadgets and buttons inside. He pressed one and the dome closed again.  
  
Dib grabbed the control stick and pressed more buttons. The cruiser levitated and came out of the brace holding it, triggering the roof to open up.  
  
The voot-cruiser shoot out into the sky and Dib shouted with joy.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Gaz sat on the couch and played her Game Slave. She gritted her teeth and jerked it around menacingly.  
  
Suddenly her stomach grumbled.  
  
She paused the game and looked at the clock with her father's face on it.  
  
"Dib!" She shouted.  
  
There was no answer. Gaz remembered he said that he was going to go out and try to blow up Zim's base again.  
  
"Pff..stupid Dib..." she looked at the wristwatch with a communicator device in it, pressed a few buttons and Dib's face showed up on the screen.  
  
"DIB! Get home now! I'm hungry and it's your turn to heat up the leftovers!" She growled at him.  
  
"Gaz? Wow, I'm glad you called, you won't believe where I am!" He said happily.  
  
"I don't care where you are just get home!" Gaz commanded.  
  
Dib looked at her blankly.  
  
"I can't...I'm in space." Dib answered.  
  
"What? What are you doing in SPACE?" Gaz raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It's so neat just look!" Dib faced the watch out into the stars of outer space, his view from the voot-cruiser.  
  
"I DON'T CARE!!" Gaz screamed, "JUST COME BACK HERE!"  
  
"...It took me a half hour to get past the Milky Way, I can't go back now!" Dib told her.  
  
"How far do you plan on going?" Gaz said gritting her teeth.  
  
"Hm...I want to see how far this baby can take me..." Dib said adventurously, then turned off the communicator.  
  
"DIB!!" Gaz yelled, pressing buttons on it, getting no answer.  
  
"Fine, I'll heat up the leftovers, but you aren't getting any!" Gaz threw off her watch and it hit a wall. She got up and walked into the kitchen.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Dib had just passed through a heavy fog, which was the barrier of Earth's Galaxy, now the fun would start.  
  
He looked around at all there was to see, blackness with dots which were the stars...  
  
Something caught his eye. It wasn't a star or blackness...it was...and big pink ship with lots of little pink ships surrounding it! The big one had the symbol of Zim's base on it...  
  
"That must be the Irken mother ship!" Dib thought out loud.  
  
Dib jeered off toward the ship. Thank God for autopilot...he would have surely crashed without it...that and the built in tutorial...  
  
He was lucky that the spy camera had come when it did. It was hidden behind his glasses so he didn't even need to carry a camera. Everything he saw the camera saw, and he was glad that what he was seeing tonight was being caught on tape.  
  
It took twenty minutes before he reached a docking port. The voot cruiser kept the suspicion down.  
  
It landed by itself onto a cubicle like thing and Dib jumped out when the shield to keep out the vacuum of space closed.  
  
Dib marveled at the technology of it all as he passed into a large room with glass windows.  
  
There were Irkens everywhere but most were too busy to notice the earthenoid walking among them. Dib looked around, making sure the camera would get all of it.  
  
Suddenly someone picked him up from behind.  
  
"Who are YOU??" an Irken guard said, turning Dib to face him while dangling in the air.  
  
"Huh? Me? Er..." Dib started to sweat.  
  
The guard narrowed his eyes at Dib and shocked him with his tazer.  
  
"Shut up..." the guard said, and carried Dib off.  
  
__________  
  
Please Review…Please?  
  
SID: If you don't I'll blast you into…  
  
Shutup! Please Review…Please? 


	2. Common Ground

Author's Note: I got so many nice reviews!! I'm happy…even PRHG reviewed…I enjoy her reviews…hehe…*sniff* okay then! I just hope I didn't get too OOC with the Tallests…0.o NOW FOR FIG NUETONS AND ROOT BEER WHOO!! *runs off*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, GET IT??  
  
  
  
Oh My Tallests!  
  
Chapter Two: Common Ground  
  
  
  
"Have you ever wondered..." Red paused and took a bite of his nachos, "that if..." he started saying with food in his mouth.  
  
"Don't talk with your mouth full..." Purple took a bit of his own nachos and continued while chewing, "it's disgusting..."  
  
Red looked at him.  
  
"What?" Purple said, still chewing.  
  
A guard came in and dropped Dib on the floor.  
  
"My Tallests, I found an intruder in the docking bay." The guard said humbly.  
  
Red looked down at Dib.  
  
"What are we supposed to do?" He said.  
  
"Wait a minute...aren't you one of those human things?" Purple said, pointing a nacho at Dib.  
  
Dib got up quickly.  
  
"Yeah, so? What are you gonna do about it? Huh??" Dib shouted.  
  
Red and Purple looked at each other.  
  
"Do you want us to do something about it?" Red asked.  
  
Dib looked at them.  
  
"Er...no..." Dib said, scratching the back of his head.  
  
"Then shut up!" Red threw a nacho at Dib and hit him in the head, the cheese made it stick there.  
  
The Tallests started laughing.  
  
Dib wiped the nacho off his forehead.  
  
"So your Zim's leaders?" Dib said.  
  
The AT stopped laughing.  
  
"I guess you could say that..." Purple told him.  
  
"What do you mean you guess?" Dib asked, raising a brow.  
  
"Zim could go blow himself up for all we care..." Red said.  
  
"Actually we would rather he did..." Purple added.  
  
"Why?" Dib asked.  
  
"Because he won't DIE!!" Purple said.  
  
"You want Zim to die?" Dib was confused.  
  
"Yes, he won't leave us alone!!" Red said with his eye twitching.  
  
"Hm...so you mean Zim is just a big nuisance to you as well?" Dib said, smiling.  
  
"Basically..." Purple muttered.  
  
Dib started laughing.  
  
"What is so funny? Knowing Zim he'll probably blow up your planet..." Red pointed out.  
  
"What?" Dib stopped laughing very quickly.  
  
Purple turned to a vid link and opened a transmission to Zim.  
  
"My Tallests? You never contact me..." Zim said.  
  
"Oh I suppose your special now huh?" Mr. Scolex's voice was heard.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Zim yelled at his computer.  
  
Red picked up Dib by the trench coat.  
  
"Does this belong to you?" He asked Zim.  
  
"What the? DIB?? How did you get over there??" Zim yelled.  
  
"I took your voot...thing." Dib said.  
  
"WHAT??"  
  
"He said he took your-" Mr. Scolex informed.  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT UP??" Zim screamed at the computer.  
  
Purple snickered.  
  
"So Zim, do you want him back?" Red said shaking Dib.  
  
"No no...just...wait! If Dib disappears his sister will be after me..." Zim thought a moment, "yes I do..." Zim said shamefully.  
  
Dib got a very good idea...  
  
"Yeah Zim, I would love to flush you down the toilet again!" Dib laughed.  
  
Red and Purple looked at Dib, then started laughing hysterically.  
  
Zim's eyes opened wide.  
  
"You stink beast! You will pay for..."  
  
"What are you gonna do? Turn us into baloney again??" Dib continued.  
  
Red and Purple kept laughing and Zim looked very helpless.  
  
"Or maybe you would like to go after me in a giant robot and let everyone see you hanging in mid air again!" Dib was on a roll now, "how about you and my little sister battle it out in your escape pods so I can watch you horribly lose again! Wait that reminds me, are you still scared of robot animals?"  
  
The Tallests were laughing so hard there were tears in their eyes.  
  
"Well Zim, it seems...hehehe...that we can take care of the human ourselves...we'll send him back when we're done..." Red said between laughs and promptly cut Zim off.  
  
"That....stupid worm bag human filth monkey larvae!!" Zim yelled at the snowy screen.  
  
"I must get Dib back here before he HUMILIATES me any more!" Zim declared, and ran off out of the base.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"So, tell us about this...toilet incident?" Red snickered.  
  
Dib was sitting in a large comfy chair, sipping some drink with an Irken symbol on it. It was actually quite tasty.  
  
"Zim went into my body to try to make me stupid, so I couldn't bother him anymore. But my dad has a nanoship and I went in after him. My sister beat the living daylights out of him in the nanoship and to get him out of my body I...you know..." Dib reminesqued(spelled horribly I know...), sipping on his drink.  
  
Red and Purple looked at each other...then started laughing again.  
  
Dib was pleased with himself that he had found a common ground with the Irken leaders: making fun of Zim. A very unexpected thing though...  
  
"You know Zim was always a pest, even in the academy. He always went insane with power and destroyed everything...even the previous Tallest...but I suppose that was a good thing..heh heh..." Red said.  
  
"Hm, I've always admired your technology, how did you come up with such diverse weaponry and such?"  
  
"Er, the thing is WE didn't come up with it. We use technology from conquered planets, as well as our own." Purple said proudly.  
  
"Wanna see?" Red suggested.  
  
"I guess..." Dib said, remembering that his planet was a target...well..he thought it was...  
  
"This way human." Purple said, floating over to a wall that was apparently a door, because it opened as soon as Purple touched it.  
  
"Um, can you just call me Dib?" Dib said.  
  
"Yeah sure human." Red said, following Dib who was following Purple.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Zim paced in his living room. The Dib had to be stopped.  
  
GIR watched him go back and forth and back and forth...  
  
"I'm dizzy..." GIR stated.  
  
"This is no time to be dizzy! Help me think of a way to get the Dib boy back to Earth!"  
  
"Why don't you just go get him?" GIR said.  
  
"I WOULD but he stole my voot-cruiser!" Zim shouted angrily.  
  
"What about the ships in the secondary base ship thing?" GIR said.  
  
"Those aren't equipped to be able to go long distances..." Zim said thoughtfully.  
  
"Hmmmm..." GIR looked as though he was thinking, but he was really looking at a penny on the floor and wondering if he could eat it...  
  
"I've got it!" Zim announced.  
  
"Got what?" GIR said, the penny reflecting in his eyes.  
  
"I know how to get DIB back where he belongs!" Zim said.  
  
"How master?" GIR picked up the penny...  
  
"I shall kidnap his sister and hold her hostage threatening to do HORRIBLE things to her if he doesn't get back here!" Zim said, laughing evilly.  
  
GIR put the penny in his mouth, then at the sound of Zim laughing, he started laughing too. The penny shot out the window and a sheep bayed.  
  
"HAHAHA-GIR!" Zim announced.  
  
"HEHEHEE-Yes master?" GIR answered.  
  
"You shall go to the Dib monkey's house and take that...box Gaz is always carrying around, and bring it back here understand?" Zim told GIR.  
  
"YES SIR!! WEEEEEEEE!" GIR flew into his costume and out the door.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"And THIS...is a smoke machine!" Purple said proudly, pointing to a large piece of equipment.  
  
Dib looked at it boredly.  
  
"So?" He said.  
  
Purple blinked a couple times. And Red flew in front of him.  
  
"Ya see, humans like laser shows better!" Red shouted at Purple.  
  
"Eh, does it matter?" Dib pointed out.  
  
They looked at him.  
  
"Okay moving on..." Red said quickly, gesturing for them to continue.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The doorbell rang and Gaz answered the door, holding a box of Chinese food and chopsticks.  
  
GIR looked up at her.  
  
"What? Aren't you Zim's little robot?" Gaz said, sucking on the chopsticks.  
  
"Ummm...I think so..." GIR said with a confused look on his face.  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes and slammed the door.  
  
GIR stood there a moment, then walked into the door like it hadn't been shut. He did it over and over again until Gaz opened the door back up.  
  
"What are you doing??" She said, opening one of her eyes.  
  
GIR walked past her and into the house.  
  
"HEY!" Gaz pointed the chopsticks at him menacingly.  
  
GIR grabbed her GameSlave, which was sitting on the couch.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Gaz chased GIR around the house as he laughed like an idiot and went out the door. She chased him down the street.  
  
GIR dived into Zim's doorway and Gaz went in after him. He threw the GameSlave into a tube and Gaz jumped after it.  
  
As soon as she landed the bottom of the tube opened up and she was sucked down inside.  
  
She found herself in a large round container full of purple goo. Gaz could still breathe, but the goo was really sticky...She looked down and saw Zim standing there through the purple tint.  
  
"What is this??" Gaz asked angrily.  
  
"Sorry to have to do this Gaz, but your brother is trying to make a mockery of me and he must be stopped..." Zim said, "but I know your violent tendencies so to keep you out of trouble..." He pressed a button on a control pad and Gaz's GameSlave flew down and landed in the goo.  
  
She grabbed it and started playing with swirls in her eyes.  
  
"Good, now for phase two...computer!" Zim said.  
  
No answer.  
  
"Mr. Scolex..." Zim said in monotone.  
  
"Yes?" The computer chirped.  
  
"Put me through to the Almighty Tallests!" Zim ordered.  
  
Mr. Scolex did so, but the screen came up black.  
  
"BEE-BEE-BEEP! We're sorry, but the Tallests you have called for are busy. Please try back later. If you need help, please contact Irk for an operator..."  
  
"Argh, why is this happening to me??" Zim shouted.  
  
"What is it Zim?" Red asked.  
  
Zim looked over at the monitor and saw Red and Purple, with Dib a few feet behind them.  
  
"I have called to speak to the Dib human." Zim said calmly.  
  
Dib looked around a minute then walked up to the screen.  
  
"What do you what Zim?" Dib smirked.  
  
"I have your sister," Zim pointed at Gaz, "and if you wish to keep her safe from HORRIBLE mutilation, you better get back to Earth NOW!"  
  
Dib looked at Zim and crickets chirped.  
  
Zim coughed.  
  
"I HAVE YOUR SISTER AND IF YOU WISH TO KEEP HER SAFE FROM HORRIBLE MUDILATION, YOU BETTER GET BACK TO EARTH NOW!" Zim repeated.  
  
Silence.  
  
Zim coughed again.  
  
"Gaz!" Dib cried, the "threat" finally registering.  
  
Satisfied, Zim closed the connection.  
  
"It's been fun, but I think I have to get back home now..." Dib told the Tallests.  
  
"That was your sister? The one that Zim can't out-pilot?" Purple asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah..." Dib said.  
  
The Tallests started laughing again.  
  
"Ha ha ha...yeah can I go now?" Dib asked.  
  
"Sure..." Red said, and they escorted him back to Zim's voot-cruiser.  
  
Dib jumped in.  
  
"Thanks for, uh, not killing me...or something..." Dib said.  
  
"Yes, when your planet is finally taken over, we might spare you and a few other humans!" Purple said as Dib closed the visor.  
  
Dib sat up strait and looked slowly back at the waving Tallests.  
  
Something told him that despite the visit Earth was still in danger...  
  
Dib flew off into the stars, back toward Earth, to go save his sister...who, knowing her, wouldn't need saving at all anyway...  
  
  
  
That is the last chapter…but have no fear (if that chap scared you I suppose you do…) if I was OOC I'm very sorry!! 


End file.
